Drastic Fantastique

Jacknife Ruby

2011-04-21T23:14:00.001-05:00

What do you love?

I adore creating first and foremost- bringing something that is an entity known only to my mind into reality is vital to my happiness.

What do you fear?

Open air heights. The highest I go is a pair of stillettos.

Have you ever faced death?

Yes, four times;dehydration, strangulation, assault and a spider bite. Oddly enough, at the brink of death's door I was completely calm.

What do you have in your pockets/purse right now?

Makeup, $25, 5 quarters,Tribal ID card, gift card,promoter's business card, birthday card, printout for pre-order Alexander McQueen book, bubble gum, pack of Parliaments, pink lighter, a pheasant feather, 4 ponytail holders, mini bottle of Theirry Mugler Angel, 3 coyote teeth,keys and a Dunny.

Do you have any reoccurring dreams? I've never in my life had the same dream twice.

If you could be anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be? And what would you be doing?

I would be France with Cirque de Soleil

Imagine that you can fly. How would you do it?

I wouldn't! I'm scared of heights remember- total waste of power.

What does your favorite color mean to you?

I don't have one- I adore all colors-

If you could choose a time in your life to re-live, when would it be?

Probably my highschool years- but only if I could retain everything I know now.

Sebastian Smith

2011-04-21T23:06:00.002-05:00

What do you love?

My wife, Amanda. My boys, Kingsley and Reif. The beach. Respectful people. Good and Plenty candy. Fluffy clouds when I’m flying. Andy Warhol. Chair and the Maiden Gallery. Photography. The Sony A900. Moto Guzzi. Surfing. Paris. Printed magazines. The smell of developer. Polaroids. Jazz. Homemade spaghetti. Showroom appointments. Win Initiative. The beast, Hans Neleman. Mum. Dad. Waiting in line for something that I really want. Sticking my hands in a barrel of coffee beans. True friends. Speaking French. Pretending that I’m a monster while chasing my children around the studio.

What do you fear?

Dying in an embarrassing way.

Have you ever faced death?

Every day I walk out of my house I face death. But besides that, I’ve been in a train crash…I’ve been thrown from a boat into the water by getting hit by the boom…I was in a plane that dropped 20,000 feet out of the sky over the Atlantic…I’ve been hit by a car on my motorcycle…and have had at least 30 other near death experiences.

So, word of advice, don’t travel with me.

What do you have in your pockets/purse right now?

Credit cards. Receipts. A parking ticket. $21 and 34 cents.

Do you have any reoccurring dreams?

I always have this one dream that I’m running down a tunnel and zombies are chasing me. I always wake up when I get caught by the zombies. I’ve had this dream since I was 15. I need to master lucid dreaming I guess.

If you could be anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be? And what would you be doing?

Easy question. I would live at Cape St. Francis in a bungalow, and surf all year round. The waves are legendary.

Imagine that you can fly. How would you do it?

Pilot license.

What does your favorite color mean to you?

I really like orange. I never wear orange, but I find it very appealing to the eyes.

If you could choose a time in your life to re-live, when would it be?

Birth, that way I could re-live all the amazing moments again.

New Chapter

2011-04-21T23:04:00.001-05:00

I have an amazing menagerie of creative and fabulous friends. Just wanted to honor them by sharing with you a few little peeks into their heads and hearts.

2010

2011-01-21T19:34:00.025-06:00

Punch Me Panda

2010-11-28T02:02:00.002-06:00

Candi Shell

2010-11-28T01:55:00.002-06:00

Outside the Box

2010-11-28T01:50:00.005-06:00

sometimes, in order to breathe again
you have to hold it for a while

all photos by James Laudicina

How Mercury Retrograde turned me inside out

2010-09-07T14:25:00.003-05:00

Accidental Bloodbath. Be Careful What You Wish For.

A Love So Deep It Started to Consume What Was Not For It to Take. Big Trouble in Little Body.

Excessive Emotional Drainage Due to Putting Myself Underneath Hungry Energy Vampires.

Trapped in a Crazy Feeling.

..more to come

All images © Sasha Maslov 2010

fred speaks

2010-08-28T01:10:00.001-05:00

i am walking with my uncle to the airport

i am getting an abortion at the airport

i am filling my flask with rum from my uncle's urine

i am going to deepen my relationship with my uncle

i am going to deepen my relationship with my squirrel

i am feeding my squirrel rum from a flask

i am feeling my squirrel pulsate from the alcohol in his tiny body

i am preoccupying my self at this moment with the need to deepen my relationship with this mug

i am ignoring my squirrel go into convulsions

i am very fascinated with this mug

i am aware that this mug is from my uncle

i am ready for my uncle

viper await pad plot nervous shambles throw

2010-08-28T01:09:00.001-05:00

airbus landing pad

shovel trucking around

tiny finger succcubus

dyna-fantasm sound

phallic viper overload

the occult awaits for you

pocket rocket house bag

the plot is not about fools

you see, nervous berber children

throw silver markers in shambles

nervous tic tic tic

Granny's House

2010-08-03T09:44:00.005-05:00

I walk into the library, where the contest is being held. People sitting at long tables, rendering their pencil-copied illustrations from books. I check it out, unsure if I want to participate, but mostly apprehensive because I doubt my own skill. I find a how-to handbook, which makes the process even easier, so I begin to search for an image I'd like to copy.

The upstairs of Dan Paul's granny's house is brightly lit with an entire wall of sunny windows and clean, reflective wooden floors. The room is large and rectangular and open, bare of furniture. We sift through rolling racks of clothes now that Brett has graced us with his absence. The racks multiply, full of granny's old dresses, vintage mens' shirts, coats, and miscellaneous costumery. I ask Dan if he wants to keep them all, hoping that he will so we could make the upstairs into a costume closet of sorts. He agrees.

A few people stand on the balcony right outside the large bank of windows. They seem to be involved in their own business, so I don't mind them.

The kitchen connected to the large, open room is also spacious and sunny. An old red stove occupies the grand spot in the kitchen, facing the entrance and made of old black iron. It is stuffed with cast-iron skillets, pans, fryers and other pots, and there are even more stacked into the open cupboards and shelves. The walls are neatly stacked to the ceiling with old pots and pans. Some people show up to the space, and they're just hanging out but not necessarily engaging us. Facing the windows, a smaller area slopes upward toward the ceiling, covered in kitchen carpet. Four red spindly wooden rods stand out from the carpet hill, pointing toward the ceiling. A curious installation, whimsical but mysterious. Later, Dan Paul finds a miniature piano, and mounts it on top of the four wooden rods. They were legs to a tiny piano! We all stand around as Dan twists the legs into their grooves and gives us a performance. Pure Magic.

The Horror and Shame of The Phase

2010-08-01T21:25:00.006-05:00

I walk down one of the side walkways of the closing shopping mall, the shallow steps leading into the middle aisle of the walkway disappear into a prefabricated subterranean canal. There's no time to explore whatever's down there. What I care about most is finding the perfect pair of tiny stud earrings. Unfortunately, the mall is already closed and all the shopkeepers left for the night. This leaves me only once choice: shoplift. I pass into an area of the mall with small vendor carts, usually stocked with useless trinkets or ineffectual miracle creams. Ooo, an earring cart. Would it be too obvious to peruse this closed cart? Would someone come up to me and start asking questions?

The best plan of action is to create a diversion. I take one of my flat, polygonal avant-gardey stud earrings out of my purse and drop it onto the ground. That way it will look like I'm trying to find something I dropped while I peruse this cart. This earring falls, hits the ground, but then I am afraid to lose it. It really does have a unique shape, and the post of the earring is jointed so it folds onto itself like the arm of a pair of glasses. I find it immediately, but then remember that I'm only pretending to find it. Playing with the jointed post lovingly, I see X walking toward me.

Quickly I walk toward him, curious about why he is at this desolate mall. The earring glints in the stark shadows as I show him what a well-crafted object it is. We do not speak. I follow him into a sparse white living room with white furniture and some books. He gets busy setting up a silkscreen type of frame, preparing and alchemizing some strange arcane concoction to make a special document relic. My mom walks out of the dark hall, and sees me there, sitting on the couch. Her facial expression passes from neutral to mildly disappointed. The lightbulb in her head flickers on and then burns out with a pop. Upon sight, she figures out that X and I were having sex in her house. That was the mysterious noise she heard some time ago. The long, low groan of a wolf's orgasm. Oh it's painfully shameful for me to feel her disappointment, copulating with this uninterested trickster. I sit while she admonishes me. She pulls a piece of paper from a high shelf in the wall, hands it to me, and demands that I leave. There's a one hundred dollar bill folded into a small clear coke baggie stapled to the paper. I tell her I don't need it, and leave.

The neighborhood outside is a lot like Bushwick, only everyone is super rowdy and loud, and in my face. It's aggravatingly hot and noisy as I walk down the sidewalk to my mom's giant truck. The truck is lightly dusted in a coat of yellowy pollen, so I spray it down with a spray bottle full of pollen remover and scrub it with a white plastic toilet brush. The neighborhood people don't like this, they start harassing the truck. They're retarded zombies who can't stop playing with the knobs and buttons, unable to figure out what they're for. I fight some of them off with the toilet brush after I realize they're not going to figure out the buttons and move on. This angers the retarded Latino zombies, and they throw tantrums. Moving from the driver's side to the passenger side, I discover they've removed the exterior of the car door and are working on the interior. Mouth gaping, I run back around to the drivers side of the truck and jump in. I thought I saw one of the zombie retards take my purse, but it was still in the front seat. The truck's smooth engine effortlessly and I punch the accelerator, flinging the zombie retard who was messing with the wipers off the hood. Reaching into my bag, I pull out an old cell phone and dial my mother. The dial tone rings but an intermittent voice chimes "Charges for this call will be made to your bill" What? The zombie retards somehow hacked my cell phone?! My mother answers but she seems to not understand that I am in danger and racking up a very costly phone call.

2009

2010-07-21T22:42:00.007-05:00

The Power of Meow

2010-07-21T22:22:00.001-05:00

can I be a bitch just this once?

2010-04-20T01:02:00.001-05:00

Wisdom: hello

Me: hi

Wisdom: i love your photos

Me: thanks

Wisdom: i would love to meet you personally

Me: :):)

Wisdom: i really want
is there any event you will join in or party something, i would love to join in there, too...

Me: who are you?

Wisdom: i am an artist, i mean my second degree was in fine arts..
but i do journalism full time now..
at the United Nations...

Me: why do you have no photos of yourself?

Wisdom: but I LOVE ARTS

Me: yes i gathered that

Wisdom: fashion and show biz, too...

Me: did you see that i asked you a question?

Wisdom: yes, i can send you one of my photos..

Me: that's not what i asked you

Wisdom: this is only art and fun
i would like to put some of my early works..
i am not a handsome to put my photo here, but i can put my some works...

Me: you are foreign?

Wisdom: as much as you are? i don't feel i am a foreigner

Me: i guess your grammar threw me off

Wisdom: but i have an foreign origin as many Americans..
yes my grammar as just did...
an foreign.. there is not such a word.. bluh bluh.. if you are drunk you may do same..

Me: are you drunk?

Wisdom: anyway I LOVE YOUR FUN SIDE..
little bit
i really want to participate any of your fun events.

Me: are you a fan of SHE-DICK's page?

Wisdom: YES

Me: well then you will be notified :):)

Wisdom: NICE
but can we meet and be friend?

Me: no..
sorry

Wisdom: NOOOOO

Me: i'm isolating myself these days

Wisdom: WHY?

Me: growing pains

Wisdom: NO PLEASE!
NO, NO... not that much
no pain thing

Me: i can barely understand you

Wisdom: i don't like pain things
no pain, but fun and joy..
happiness

Me: right.
no, we can't meet.
i'm isolating myself these days and am very selective with whom i give my time to.

Wisdom: why? please
I AGREE THAT, TOTALLY

Me: and i'm experiencing growing pains so i'm not seeking fun or joy or happiness right now

Wisdom: AND REALLY RESPECT THAT

Me: great

Wisdom: BUT I AM NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON WHO CAN GIVE YOU ANY NEGTIVE..

Me: why have you switched to all caps, like you're yelling?

Wisdom: sorry
but when my feeling up
i did it

Me: right. so that's why i'm not going to meet you and be your friend
plus, i'm not sure if you're aware of this, but i'm a stickler for correct grammar

Wisdom: nice

Me: so it's instantly repelling for me to come in contact with someone who has poor grammar

Wisdom: i like that

Me: i'm glad you like it

Wisdom: i like all nice thing
i liked it because you were right
i like all positive thing
can i invite you to a launch in manhattan
be my guest

Me: you can invite me, but i won't go.
you are not even paying attention to the things i'm writing to you.

Wisdom: or drink or dinner?

Me: nope
wow, desperate much?

Wisdom: because your sweetness, it is maybe not just your sweetness it is also you style and ambience

Me: i'm not being very sweet to you

Wisdom: friends and all thing with you..

Me: but you're not really noticing anything i write
i have a penis

Wisdom: your art perpective, too..

Me: and it's 9 inches long
and black
with two eyes
and teeth

Wisdom: :):)
so
it is ok to be a friend
i know your show from your page and your friends page, seems exciting!

Me: i also lay eggs

Wisdom: come on..

Me: each one hatches a different creature
they are all children of the moon

Wisdom: nice!

Me: some have tails, some have beaks

Wisdom: great!

Me: one thing in common is that they all have a tiny pearl at the base of their spine

Wisdom: haha

Me: and they're quite the coveted jewel, people try to buy my babies before hey hatch

Wisdom: you are great!

Me: extract the pearl from the egg
because once the eggs hatch, you have to de-bone the baby to get the pearl
and that's murder

Wisdom: wow for all your words..

Uncommon Grief

2010-04-13T02:46:00.004-05:00

Death is a transition from one vibration to another. Like switching the setting of your box fan from low to high. Matter simply changes states.

Reacting to death is not always so cut and dry. The common response is sadness, sympathy. I would most definitely feel a sense of incalculable loss if my mother died, which one day she will. For years, I have been collecting hand-written notes from her. They are fewer and farther between now, but I keep them saved up, many unread, so that I have a trigger for the waterworks if need be. Yes, I fear that I may not cry if my mother dies. I fear that numbness will overtake me and I just might step down to the third rail and give it a kiss.

The Dark Prince of Pop

2010-04-12T23:45:00.004-05:00

Masking/Unmasking

2010-03-30T12:21:00.002-05:00

Recently, my work has been all about my image. Creating it, curating it, altering it, etc, but always with the identity of Teresa Nasty. I think it's about time to dissolve it completely and let my vessel simply be the medium to convey and express bigger archetypes, minus the conscious intention of the art still being in my image. Ultimately, it will always be my image as in Cindy Sherman and Yasumasa Morimura's work, but I've finally made enough pictures of myself looking sexy/pretty so it's time to move on.

orgone

2010-02-07T21:10:00.006-06:00

It was a sunny day at my parent's house in Houston. S, R, J were all hanging out with me, and of course, X was there too. They all decide to go out for a cigarette. The magnificently lush backyard impresses them even though it's half the size it used to be. S has two dogs with her. I turn of them upside-down on his head, and his fur falls out in fire ant chunks. They walk ahead of me out the back door, so I grab my loose tobacco from upstairs to join them. I am left behind, in a way, so I pet the dog for a second. They smoke X's Marlboros as I try to roll a cigarette out of too-moist tobacco. It gets into my eye and I freak out a little, thinking it is some sort of mossy bug. All of us walk toward the little pond that used to be in the middle of the larger backyard, but had to be moved closer to the side to accommodate the yard's new size. The pond is perched on a small hill overlooking the side of the garage. A large cover of ice lays on the pond's surface, and frozen so solid that I when I lift it to slide my legs underneath, it's quite heavy. To the others, I feign effortlessness. With my feet in the empty pond, I smoke my cigarette with the others. The sun is shining and it's a mild day. A few minutes go by before I get up to walk back to the house. Passing by an enormous rectangular swimming pool with no borders, just earth and grass, it seems like a good idea to go for a swim, so I start slipping my top off. It occurs to me that there are others around and solitary skinny-dipping may not be the best idea right now, so I just dip my foot in. As I stand on its clear, blue brink, I consider the possible consequences of taking a swim, but the overwhelming feeling of getting lost in the water and drowning abates the desire. I become aware that the others might be watching me in my pensive state, so I goof around and pull my sweater off my shoulder, teasing to strip. My attention turns back to heading toward the house as I walk away from the group. Another pool appears on a sub-ground level and I am suddenly standing on a half-circle concrete balcony of Tuscan design overlooking the second pool. X is standing beside me as we watch the second pool's water start moving, generating force and momentum. The water of the lower pool builds into a massive tidal wave, which soars over our heads and into the first pool. The first pool receives the wave, its waters activated by the wave's throw, and the wave returns to the lower pool. So large a wave, it blocks the sun and creates a dark shadowy tunnel around us.

We don's see things as they are. We see them as we are. ~ Anais Nin

2008

2010-02-07T20:06:00.014-06:00

2007

2010-01-22T03:20:00.009-06:00

Vulnerability Catharsis

2010-01-19T22:29:00.004-06:00

photos courtesy of Theo Jemison

I haven't been completely real with you.
When I sought you out, it was a mixture of embracing inspiration and seduction. Your image seemed so ideal, so complete, and I fell for it bigtime. I was ready for a challenge, something more difficult but worth the effort.

So the night we first hung out, it was surreal. And then it became more surreal as you wanted to come back to my place. And the sex was surreal. Too much, too soon surreal. As in, this isn't what I want right away surreal. Meaningless and fleeting and still surreal. If I could put your hand on my chest when you're near, it would feel like cardiac arrest. Playing it cool was never my strength, I am as emotional as a raging bonfire. And here you are, in my bed, sleeping like a beast curled around his lovedoll. It was so mind-blowing, I can't even remember what it feels like to sleep next to you. And I keep asking myself, is this real? And every time I received messages from you, I was on a high. And when there were no texts or IMs, I was moody. WTF, this never happens. I don't sweat guys.

Then came The Devil card. All those words like tiny pentacles hooked into my heart. I was 14 years old again, being deflowered by my best friend's boyfriend on the sly, bleeding and not knowing what was happening. Is this what love feels like, because I have no idea. Surely it is, but is this all? But in a way, I asked for my demons to come to light so that I can exorcise them. I fear rejection and abandonment. There, I said it. I know I emphasized how important it was to me to have a friendship with you. I still mean it, but this feels like less of a friendship, and more like an ongoing craigslist encounter. I would make excuses for you (pisces, busy, blah blah) when my friends ask about 'the new guy'. No, we're not dating. No, we don't hang out. Is it because I am utterly intimidated and not myself around you? Look at this sprawling mess I've gotten myself in. I don't even know who I am. I am not present, not self-referring. I am a tear in the fabric between old and new. My head is stuck in that bewitching cloud of smoke you leave behind after we have sex. Sex, to me, still feels very much like love, especially with someone I feel an emotional draw to. Is it purely physical to you? It still feels like the only times you seek me out are when you're feeling lascivious. Have I cultivated this position for myself to be the devil's secret concubine? Jeez, I'm so much more than that.

I met your friends (S, J, etc) when I hung out with E one night. He had the impression that I was into him, but honestly, I am more into you than anybody I have ever been into, boyfriends included. So there was concern on my part that unfortunate rumors would sway your mind. I could eat an entire chocolate bunny right now.

When you told me you read my blog, I was definitely interested more in your feelings about what I'd wrote. I'd like to know where I stand in your life, even if it is the lowest rung. It seems that you may still be emotionally attached to your ex, as well as still with her, which kinda makes you emotionally unavailable. Once, you texted that I had you feeling "tres weird", which was inexplicable on your part. Nothing further? Because I'd like to know. Bad. Because I like you. A LOT. And it pains me to feel like I'm covertly chasing a grey cloud of smoke. Somebody barely available or not even tangible in my life. But I'm still giving it up and putting out like some easy sucker-for-love. I made myself vulnerable to you, wore my heart on my sleeve. Never have I even thought of doing that for an unknown stranger. Impulsively stupid. It's ok, I can handle being stupid sometimes, because I know I'm not.

Maybe this is how you move, but I am a hurricane of feelings right now. I just wanted you to know all this. I don't play games very well. This is me and this is how I feel.

Death Bear comes to my door

2010-01-10T18:57:00.003-06:00

Hello, Death Bear.

Welcome to my home. Watch out for that chandelier above your head. Wow, you're at least 7' tall. Do your hands get cold? They're quite beautiful hands for a bear.

So when you take these mementos which trigger sadness and heartbreak for others back to your cave, does your cave absorb the energy of these objects?

Death Bear says, "The energy is neutralized. I am a walking black hole."

A public service for the broken-hearted.

Aptly, I felt like some small weight had been lifted when I surrendered some benign objects to his duffel bag. HH doesn't really weigh on my heart so much anymore. The one who does weigh on my heart, I had no benign objects with which to surrender. So be it. It's all symbolic anyway. But I do find myself giving in to these trifles of effort on my emotional release. Much thanks to my friend Dean who scheduled this bizarrely fantastic encounter.

The weather is frigid and has taken over my heart. I cannot feel love the way I used to anymore.

DeathFace vs. Death Bear

2010-01-08T19:41:00.007-06:00

It seems that the only times I really blog are during Mercury Retrograde. Here we are again, in 2010, after both a full blue moon and the transition of a new year beginning under the guise of Mercury's arresting position. I started this new year being somewhere I didn't really want to be, passed out on the floor against a bar stool. So not a good look. Well, I'm highly adaptable. And if this year has a few more punches to throw my way, bring it on. I am ready to light this pyre and burn everything in existence in exchange for a new reality. Unmitigated truth. It seems that the rainbow has turned black, and I have succumbed to this new darkness with new, invigorating fervor. Yes, let's do this. Death Bear is coming tomorrow to take all of my rancid memories of HH away. I hope he stays for a while.

Midnight Magick

2010-01-05T20:41:00.003-06:00

The first of many SuperConscious collaborations

Costumes: Jeff Cook

Styling: Jeff Cook and Dan Paul Roberts

Tiny Pentacles Hooked into my Heart

2010-01-04T02:12:00.002-06:00

Monday night, I had a funny feeling. X told me he was going out with you and my body reacted physically to that information. My heartbeat and breath quickened as I wondered if you'd be impulsive or horny enough to seek random booty that night, but then caught myself in that thought and let go of it. Choosing not go into the mental space where anxiety may have ensued, I felt liberated. So instead, I entered a self-portrait portfolio contest and packed my costume items for the next day.

In letting go of those ridiculous fearful thoughts, you sent me a something like a booty call text. Your decision to call on me instead of seeking random booty made me secretly glad. It was a rather glorious feeling. I had to gather my wits about myself for a moment because there is still a part of my psyche that wants to slide back into digressive patterns of lesser self worth. It's getting a little easier for me to become aware of the dichotomy of old and new behaviors struggling within me. But, of course I want you to come over and sex me into oblivion. While you're at it, could you just stay forever?

Our clandestine meetings are ever so ideal in romantic theory, but it's honestly not enough for me, granted there is a part of me that would be happy just being in your presence, but that part is diminished when I consider my emotional priorities. I do not like feeling like just a piece of ass. Despite of our rapport, I still did. That's why it was actually easy for me to deny you. I have no regrets because my self worth and dignity remained stable and intact. The fact that I was on my moon cycle and had an early morning excuse was just the Universe's way of confirming my self-assertion. But of course, the yearning for you only gets stronger. It would be so maddeningly easy for me to fall into the heart chasm that lies before the pedestal on which I've placed you.

The truth of this matter is that I've never felt so inspired by a single person whom I've had a strong, almost primal attraction to. It's almost baffling what to do with this energy because the experience is unprecedented. So I take it moment by moment, and whatever compels me and feels right, I do. Sometimes I want to reach you, but feel like it's too much too soon as I can barely contain these feelings. I mistake these energies for love, and in its own way, it is indeed love, but not solely of the romantic kind. That's why when we hook up, I am in awe and disbelief that it's happening, because it feels surreal. And it is, because all we have is a diaphanous connection.

The best way for me to cope with shedding the old skin and harnessing this newfound energy is to create. So instead of chasing your tail, I eat my own.

More of the Mistress

2009-12-11T04:46:00.004-06:00

all images copyright Teresa Nasty

Photos of the Mistress

2009-12-09T03:22:00.004-06:00

Black Friday

2009-11-27T00:41:00.005-06:00

It feels like I've been walking around the rings of Saturn, pensively plotting on how to transport myself onto the planet itself, unaware of the magic below my feet. I am walking on a magnetic belt of ice rocks which are held together by the orbital resonance of its moons. Forces unseen but felt by everything around me, undeniable in their existence but for my oblivion, unappreciated.

Thanksgiving this year was different. I spent time with my very close friends, my chosen family. I could actually care less about the consumer holiday in its traditions, but the concept of Thanksgiving is one I cherish regardless of whether its a customary practice or not. Be with the ones you love. Love the ones you are with.

The Killing of Ineffectual Practices Part 2

2009-11-04T01:41:00.002-06:00

I went to Phoenicia to be reborn. A yoga retreat on the Catskill Mountains cleaned me out of about 8 billion pounds of baggage. The entire time was spent in silence as we fasted with The Master Cleanse, yoga, nature, and hot, hot heat. Salvador was the master of ceremony for the sweat lodge. He and his hippiedudes built a ceremonial sweat lodge out of sticks with an altar facing west. He asked the stones we were using to heat the lodge to also heal us. Then he poured water on them and we all sweat out our demons. Some people cried. I was in a trance state that could've lasted for days. Emerging from the pitch black darkness of the lodge, I felt lighter and purer.

Possession is a lovely demon of mine. She wants everything for herself, and will covet until she gets it. She obsesses, she has mood swings if her expectations are not met. She is the only child, the material wonder.

We had a full moon ritual at our house, in the light of the circle. Once again, released my lovely demon into the fire, eager for the rebirth.

A Devil of a Time

2009-10-28T00:42:00.000-05:00

October 26, 2009

Lately, I've asked the universe to help me transgress my own unhealthy conditioning in matters of vanity and relating to others. During Autumnal Equinox, the intention was set in a series of four parts, each based on past experiences that have shaped my current patterns of behavior. Growing up without a father caused a lack of positive male attention, which I sought heavily through the only way I knew how, promiscuity. I lacked a positive sexual model. Additionally, growing up as the only child in a scarcity-minded household, relatives were careful to never spoil me so I learned to covet and possess materials in a way that didn't allow any room for loss or error.

So far, I've named these two demons and have a way of identifying them when they come crawling up my shoulder. I would also illustrate these four parts with photographs of my own murder, the killing of ineffectual practices. The conscience is both a curse and a blessing.

I summoned The Devil himself. On Facebook, no less. I drew him out of my tarot deck and into my bed. This person gave the hamster on my heart-shaped wheel a crystal meth feeling and beautifully barbed words which caught on its insides, eviscerating it. This person brought me back about 17 years, back to the feelings I had when I first started seeking external validation through male attention, giving up my virginity twice in one night to the boyfriend of my best friend. Jealousy, obsession, anxiety, insecurity, a feeling of lack. Yearning for that one material object that would make him see that I was special, that I deserved to be more than just the clandestine mistress. All my material desires swirled around this one idealization of Mr. Devil. Because he was always someone else's boyfriend, he was something I could never have, which in turn made me mad with obsession at the idea of possessing him. I was in a hellish secret place that seemed like an obsidian encasement, glass-like but completely opaque, and the only person with the key was him. The threat of breaking free not only an undesirable impossibility, but I relished in this dark, melancholy place. I savored the torturous feelings of self-pity, spinning words into heartbreaking poetry. Many years ago, I had no idea of what my higher purpose was, so it was a dark, delicious adventure creating a heart chasm.

But now, things are different. This ain't my first rodeo and I've outgrown these ineffectual and blasé feelings because they no long serve my higher purpose, which is to love and be loved. And this feels more like madness than love. My psychic friend tells me that I have a dark brown schism right below my heart chakra and that I have not opened it up to anyone I've been in a relationship with. Figures.

What is the difference between love and obsession? I'm sure this has been asked as many times as it's occurred. Studies show that serotonin levels of people in love and ones with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are unusually low compared to the standard levels found in the brain of a control subject. OCD and love are similarly obsessive, driving urges, and that serotonin is somehow involved with this kind of focused obsessiveness.

Have I fallen victim to my own chemical warfare? My body had a very strong, physical reaction to The Devil. The hamster would do erratic flips on its wheel, sometimes bending it into pentagrams and triangles. I started panicking for no real reason at all. God-awful feelings arose in me that seemed to stem from my expectations of attachment to a certain outcome. My attention no longer rooted in the present, but split between those feelings from 17 years ago mingled with the current feelings The Devil brought about. But I had asked for this journey, and not for the destination, so I laid in the bed I made. All of my maniacal thoughts centered around the tarot Devil on his pedestal with the two demons tethered to it. How befitting.

Fetish Miscellaneous

2009-10-16T17:30:00.002-05:00

Models: Mistress Ree and Mistress Jung @ FetishFortress

MUA: Teresa Nasty

Photography: Teresa Nasty

All images copyright Teresa Nasty

Newer Works

2009-10-16T16:54:00.002-05:00

Models: John Jones IV and Brett Hurley Lord

Styling: Jessie June Shipley

Photography: Teresa Nasty

all work copyright Teresa Nasty

The Killing of Ineffectual Practices

2009-09-16T12:25:00.003-05:00

I've started a new series of Vanity portraits to reflect all the old habits and patterns that are being replaced by new ones. Out with the old, in with the new. Mercury is in retrograde again, as it happens 4 times this year instead of the usual 3, and I'm feeling changes more than ever. I am shedding old skin and shape-shifting.

Pieces 2007 to 2008

2009-09-10T13:24:00.005-05:00

My directorial debut

2009-08-13T03:39:00.005-05:00

A glorious music video for "Under the Knife"
starring Candi Shell of SHE-DICK
directed by Teresa Nasty

John Jones IV

2009-07-25T01:40:00.005-05:00

Newest work with our dj from SheDickulous Sundays and his own parties at Sugarland, John Jones IV aka J4. He was also the star of a recently banned German Sprite commercial. All the links to the video keep getting shut down, so just google it yourself ;)

Chinaman

2009-07-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

Drag King part 2

I decided try out another male character on our bi-monthly at Sugarland. This party was the Geriatric Jamboree. Being Mr. Wei Na Hung (aka Confucion) was actually much more difficult than I anticipated. I mean I had a ton of fun without really having to exert any unnatural effort, but my voice didn't match my character no matter how I played him. Finally, at Old Candi's suggestion, I just went with my southern hick twangy voice. It was very confusing. I had a cane and walked very slowly because I had just turned 200 years old. But I did love feeling up on those old white ladies. They didn't seem to mind at all. I mean, after all, I was 200 years old!

Fast Forward

2009-07-07T12:48:00.005-05:00

When I said I was ready to start going forward again, I didn't really mean fast forward. But I got it anyway because you always have to be careful what you ask for. Here's a visual recap of last month..

This kid got shot and killed right down the block from where I live. I mean like 30 feet away from my window. Apparently our street is the boundary between the Puerto Ricans and Blacks. Fierce rivals? This all happened right before the Puerto Rican Parade..

The highlight of my month was pulling two fantastic shows with SHE-DICK for Joan Rivers at the Gramercy Theater.

Brett and I backup danced for Don PV at Santos Party House

SHE-DICK also did some backup singing for Jasper James at the Nokia Theater

So all in all, it was a very productive month. All three of us were feeling so worn out. We need a spa retreat!
We've also started planning our reality show/tour/concept for BETTER THAN GAY, which is just a collective of artists and performers who are all encompassing when it comes to the queer culture.

Recently, stumbled across a treasure chest of a thrift store called Dominick's. It has since moved into a much nicer space down the street, and with it, a crew of old-school New Yorkers who have been making things happen for a long time. Leslie is one of such fine humans, and his partners Andy and Charlie. Such characters. There is talk of a SuperConscious coffee shop and a production crew for a SuperConscious movement soon.

Mercury Retrograde

2009-05-25T05:02:00.010-05:00

...is killing me. I am ready for it to start going forward again.

photos by sasha maslov

Summer with SHE-DICK

2009-05-22T10:54:00.000-05:00

Our newest party themes this summer...come get hot with us!

Nerd out

2009-05-22T10:44:00.004-05:00

Last Sunday was another installment of SheDickulous Sundays at Sugarland. We had the Nerd Science Fair and Candi's presentation won the blue ribbon. Her project cleverly illustrated where babies come from..

Carrie was a spastic retainer-wearing horse lover. She wore those fake chaps with fringe that come with high-waisted jeans. I wanted those so bad when I was in 6th grade. Her hair did several 360s throughout the night. I love her!

Finally, I decided to adopt an entirely new character. I'd never dressed as a male before, and I would have to say it was so much easier than being female. I have many relatives whom I based my Wayne Chung character off of, and it was so effortless that I'd really like to develop him a little more.

What Miss Nasty wears

2009-04-11T00:36:00.006-05:00

I love fashion blogs. Here's a peek into my wardrobe..

I am not a fashion blog

2009-03-30T00:28:00.001-05:00

...but I sho'nuff luh me some high heels

Too much, too little

2009-03-07T23:35:00.001-06:00

I am in a constant whirlwind. Its stillness is deafening.

Sex Map!

2009-03-01T13:32:00.000-06:00

Find out where I've journeyed
on the Map of Human Sexuality!
Or get your own here!

wut it doooo

2009-02-14T17:26:00.004-06:00

The very first SheDickulous Sunday will be this February 15th.

It has begun! She Dick is now hosting a bi-monthly Sunday night at our beloved Sugarland in Williamsburg. We are gonna bring the love twice a month to all you love-starved hipsters and co. by glamming the night up with glitter and costume.

My Fiiiiine Man

2009-01-17T16:17:00.010-06:00

he's soooo fiiiiiine

birthday/housewarming/potluck/costume/party

2009-01-07T16:53:00.007-06:00

Monday was our roommate Jeff's birthday. We hadn't really had an official housewarming since we moved up here, so we combined it with his birthday potluck costume party. We turned on the party lights and the microphones and let the friends roll in.

2009-01-02T00:18:00.003-06:00

My friend Jade Howard took this a while back. He now lives in L.A.

Happy Noo Ya!

2009-01-01T01:29:00.004-06:00

Three Confused Pugs @ Yahoo! Video

oh my goodness!

New Photos

2008-12-21T03:50:00.003-06:00

Miss New York

2008-12-21T03:17:00.005-06:00

WoW. This city is intense. It forces me to be very real and honest with myself, because what I want is so readily within my reach. So far, I've been able to find just about anything I intend from craigslist. I click a magic link and I get what I want. My deepest desire is to live my life as an artist, creating new experiences and growth within myself and inspiring others to do the same.

People here love She Dick. We tagged a bunch of places, signs, etc. with our stickers. People see them. We play shows. On my birthday we hosted a 20 piece all-boy acapella group at Webster Hall.

Lately, I've been learning about the BDSM lifestyle through my current occupation as a domme (I dislike the word dominatrix). It's got a lot of misconceptions, but I am working on expressing my own creativity and soulfulness through it. It has allowed me to also discover a new level of intimacy in my relationship, too. I feel so alive to be experiencing this strange and wonderful life.

Banksy's Village Pet Store

2008-10-19T22:36:00.004-05:00

AIDSburger

2008-10-15T00:24:00.002-05:00

A true inspiration: Lafayette from some tv show called True Blood

Aaah...friends

2008-09-24T23:50:00.007-05:00

mmmm....hansy

I love having friends. They each have a unique story and you become a part of it for a little while, or longer. Beautiful people in my life.

9-12

2008-09-12T20:33:00.002-05:00

FIIIIIRE!!!!!

I was chillin' on the couch this afternoon when I hear thundering steps coming down the stairs outside our apartment door. JUST GET OUT!!! someone shouted. *gasp*

Dan Paul and I go to my bedroom window, which faces out onto the street. I open it just enough to ask someone standing outside, what's going on?

FIRE! GET OUT THE BUILDING!

I grabbed Bebe and put on some unmatching pair of shoes, and go out into the grey drizzle with Dan Paul, Gabe, Jeff and our neighbor, a videographer.

Everything's alright now.

the girls' first night out in the big apple

2008-09-12T20:17:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was 9-11. It's like a full moon intensified by the people standing on it. Whacko energy everywhere, causing men to don wigs and lipstick and become glamorous women.

Mr. Black, LOOKOUT!

The Dallas Observer

2008-09-12T15:53:00.002-05:00

Shot by Morrey Taylor | Make-up and styling by Jacknife Ruby

neu shooz maik mi happeeeeee! part 2

2008-09-12T15:39:00.002-05:00

new adventures

2008-09-12T15:31:00.004-05:00

Napping with Bebe
The U.S. Open..
Singing on the new She-Dick song, Galactic Tranny
Life is good, life is real good..

My Hood

2008-09-12T15:17:00.005-05:00

A New Home

2008-09-05T17:34:00.005-05:00

This is it!

my room:

dan paul and brett's room:

the studio:

Jeff's room:

It's a diamond in the rough.

A sonic sanctuary. A dream come true.

A place to rest my heart. Finally.

Farewell, Dallas!

2008-08-02T01:49:00.003-05:00

Today, our future roommate in New York put a deposit down on an apartment we're all to share. Dan Paul and Brett, Me, Amber, and of course Jeff. He's doing quite well out there. Bushwick/Brooklyn will be such an experience! I can barely keep my pants on!!!

This art show is what I've been asking for. A sort of farewell, buy a piece of me and support my movin' on up now!

Transformation

2008-07-30T11:30:00.003-05:00

filmed by Jon Collins
produced by April Kinser

bebe paws

2008-07-28T00:14:00.005-05:00

lookin ass...

2008-07-26T23:02:00.003-05:00

My 'boss' Brian showed me this post on Will's (DJ Sober) blogspot.

neu kix

2008-07-26T22:59:00.002-05:00

nu shooz mak mi happeeeeee!

Houston

2008-07-24T10:50:00.003-05:00

I went to Houston with Hans. It was a quiet trip, with sprigs of liveliness here and there. Lovely times.

20 Cats

2008-06-23T15:45:00.000-05:00

2007

Quiet Days

2008-06-23T15:24:00.000-05:00

spent not talking, just observing

False Evidence Appearing Real, but not Really

2008-06-06T02:10:00.000-05:00

A Letter to Fear

You are tugging at the monofilament sutures
and it feels a little like death.
Tiny deaths threatening to take the
warmth of fur from my body,
the baby from my arms.

There is nothing real about your
uninvited visits, your wheelchair tactics.
I am keenly aware of your smell,
metallic and mucousy,
hot lava through my body

Do not draw your dull fangs at me,
I don't reply kindly to empty threats.
All your evidence is truly false
mirror, mirror, time to fall

Clandestiny

2008-06-03T01:20:00.002-05:00

I met up with a woman named Laurie tonight. She calls herself the Wellness and Beauty Coach. We rendevous'd at Cosmic Cafe, both of us having had very full days of future-making. The connection and exchange was intense, and we both delved very deeply into ourselves, our lives, pasts, insights, relationships, discoveries, intentions, cats and Egyptians. Wow. Four hours of near-psychic interaction, we decided that the deja vu I experienced when I sat down and opened my notebook was indeed a good omen. Yes. YES. YES YES YES YES. I really needed to intensely connect with someone on the same wavelength. A kindred and fierce fiery Saggitarius. She gave me a title to what I do: Creative Director and Producer of Life Art. Art Star. Shape-Shifter.

We discussed my undeniable draw to NYC.

I watched Sex and the City with friends last night. There was an emotional response, as well as a deep thrill. New York Fuckin' City. 24 hour health food stores. Ultra-progressive but gritty. Big Deal City. International as hell and a real Chinatown.

Earlier today, I photographed Trista. She's a dancer who just graduated SMU and just really hot. There's something carnally sexy about dancing and dancers in general. Their bodies, the talent of using it to form expressions of emotion, abstraction. Here are some of the photos..

forever

2008-06-01T01:26:00.000-05:00

I'm not ready for heartbreak

Not ready for the distance that will swallow me whole

The not-touching we'll do, the unholding.

I can't bear to be with a hole in the center of my vision

an emptiness that feels like I've left bodypart somewhere else,

irretrievable and lonely

i owe all my extra-psychic abilities to this...

2008-05-27T22:06:00.001-05:00

Photo by Scogin Mayo | MUA and styling by Jacknife Ruby

a need for change

2008-05-27T10:36:00.000-05:00

I am feeling the babyness fade out of my body

ready for the bigger chair, the higher road.

The same lullaby doesn't do the trick

so I'm seeking a new tune.

It's a bit of a struggle

to maintain that happyface, while

paying lip service to that happyplace,

even though I can't find it, I know it's there.

We don't have the same realities when

I slow down, I see possibilities, but can't

seem to grasp them long enough to make

them happen.

I never expected to stand out so much,

even amongst the me-types,

but to blend in so seamlessly

into the not-me types.

It's confusing being here,

do as the birds do.

Migrate.

testes

2008-05-02T15:32:00.001-05:00

david byrne's radio is goat